Turning 30

Let me first clarify that…

I have nothing against turning 30. It is part and parcel of life. But it is somewhat a huge deal for me, because it is another milestone in my life (onto my 3^rd decade bay-bee!) and it scares the shit out of me.

Do note that…

I don’t feel that being 30 is old. Sure, I would have matured some and my body would have aged and gotten flabbier and chubbier, but I don’t feel old (oh the power of denial). I still feel young and fresh from school (though less energetic… then again… I was never ever energetic) and have yet to gleam all the wisdom and knowledge that life can offer.

I once came across a study from University of Texas that suggests that people who have creative outlets outside of work is physically younger by 7 years! I've been doing writing (creative!) and going for concerts (creative!) and plays (creative!). So I should be 23 physically! That's good news isn't it? Stoked. Now I can’t wait for Muse’s concert in September (Mad-mad-mad-mad-mad… mad… mad~).

However…

I was in a state of denial last October. I was months away from 2015. Before that, turning 30 never even crossed my mind. I was completely nonchalant. I thought nothing about it.

Then my younger sister started joking about my age, which got my other siblings making fun of it as well. Eventually, my mother got in on it. Their teasing and jibing are the usual stuff, like how I’m getting rounder around my waist, how my memory seems to be declining, why I’m more lethargic than before. You know, the typical decrepitude-type jokes that accompanies ‘old’ age.

That is when I sat up and took notice of the impending 3-0. But I don’t dwell on it. I don’t entertain it. I can’t do anything about it, so why bother?

I went along with their teasing. Then it slowly affected me. Not in a bad way. I mean, I can choose to take it in good stride or to be depressed about it, but surprisingly, I took it well. The only upset is looking back and discovering that I did nothing of worth and achieved nothing. But I knew that even if I had a second chance to relive my 20s, I probably wouldn’t do anything different. That’s because I knew that the 20s were my exploratory and formative years. I’ve moved from school kid to working adult. I also discovered that I am a late bloomer, not in the physical sense but psychologically (?).

Then January 2015 came. I had a sudden epiphany. 30 is not old. If 60 is the new 40, why can't 30 be the new 18? So whenever my siblings make references to my (old) age, I let it slide. I'm not old. On the contrary, life is just beginning.

Also…

Turning 30 does things to you. Suddenly, I am more self-aware. I am alert to any changes happening to me no matter how minute. I am also raring for a change. I have this sudden subconscious, which became conscious, desire to make changes to my life. Maybe because I feel that I am at the beginning of another milestone. It's time to leave the 20s behind, and to make my 30s rock, and with that I have to make some intrinsic changes.

I am starting with my attitude. I am currently nurturing an accepting attitude: accept change, accept that things do not go my way, acceptance of me (warts, farts, failing parts), and accept differences.

I am also exercising my patience, of which I have very little, and understanding.

I am working on improving my shortcomings. I admitted to myself the shortcomings I have and decided to do something about them.

I have opened up a little more (I need to break up with my reserved demeanour), judge less (first impressions are usually wrong, I remind myself), worry and fuss less about things not within my control. 

I am going to make this whole year a year of change and improvements. Well, every year should be of changes and improvements but… ah well. This is a start. Let’s not put too much on one plate shall we?

I’ve also entered a fitness phase, based on the reasoning that my fitness and health will only go downhill from this point on, so I have to work hard to maintain them. I have been participating in fitness classes and working out and eating ‘healthier’. I am happy to see that my effort is not wasted. I am fitter than before and I have never felt better, or more confident, about my physique. Although not considered slim and my tummy refuses to budge, I no longer feel the need to hide my figure (or lack thereof) under oversized clothing. I still wear oversized clothing, billowy tunics and all, because I like them (I really do have a love for billowy stuff – boho ya’ know – I’m free-spirited like that) and not because I want to hide anything. Being fitter has also increased my self-confidence and I’ve never felt more assured in my life.

Turning 30 doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Here’s to a good start!

*clinking of cups of green tea – yeah – alcohol has lots of calories*