International Women’s Day 2015

International Women’s Day was celebrated on Sunday, 8 March 2015. In lieu of this, I thought I contribute a post on the two groups of women who has inspired me.

Mothers and wives

Initially I planned to split both into separate paragraphs, each with its own tribute, but they are undeniably intertwined. It is, of course, possible to be a wife without being a mother or being a mother without being someone else’s spouse, but by and large they are inextricably linked. Behind every successful child and husband is a mother-cum-wife (or wife-cum-mother, but for the sake of this post we shall stick with the former). How important they are! The modern day mothers-cum-wives not only bring in the dough, but they put food on the table (literally), plan the logistics for the family, budget household expenditures, ensure that the fridge/pantry/larder is well stocked, and make sure that everything is in place and everyone is well-fed, comfortable and in good health. In short, the mothers-cum-wives are the petrol that keeps the engine running smoothly and continuously.

My mother is inspiring in her adaptability and tenacity. Many years ago my father went to get his degree in the States alone, and left my mother with three children to bring up. We were all below 10 years of age, meaning of no help to my mother. Thankfully we moved in with my maternal grandmother who took care of us while my mother reentered the workforce after a decade of being a stay-at-home mom. Although I didn’t realise it then (I was only 9), but it was not an easy period for my mother. Bringing up three children single-handedly while having to work is no child’s play, yet she survived, and we grew up (very well, I must say). I am forever in awed of her tenacity to pull through and her adaptability in adjusting to a different environment and a different lifestyle. However, I am also thankful that all my aunties and uncle, and my grandparents, rallied their resources to help us out. This will lead me to the next group of women who inspired me greatly.

Despite the inspiration that my mother is, it is also her who shown me the other side of being a downtrodden stay-at-home wife. It is not a pretty picture and definitely not one that I would like in my future. Stay-at-home, yes I would love that, free from the confines of a job to pursue my dreams and embark on my personal projects. I, however, could do away with being the sole caregiver of the children with nary a help from the father, not being heard because “you don’t know what it’s like in the working world”, but most of all, not being in control of your own life because of the children and because you are financially dependent on your spouse. This is a sucky position to be in. Really.

Aunties

I have sub-categories for aunties: aunties who are related by family and blood, and aunties who I bonded with at work.

Aunties with blood-ties
I am forever thankful and indebted to my aunty (my mother’s older sister) and her family, who graciously took me in when my family returned to my homeland to live. She and her family treated me like one of them, and I have never felt like an outsider ever. Sure, there were times when I missed my parents and my siblings, and when the going gets tough I always wished I had my family with me, but I never regretted living there. My aunt nursed me through my angst-filled teenage years, and I always felt ‘guilty’ that she has to weather the stormy rages of two hormonal teenagers (her daughter, my cousin, is one year younger than me). The best thing about my aunt is her indomitable patience and her ability to understand what we are going through. She is also worldly and never quick to judge.

As for my other aunts, they have always been supportive of each other. I have six other aunts, and one uncle. They are their own sisterhood (which I guess includes my uncle), with their own support system. They look out for each other and share stories and experiences and tips. Basically they keep in constant contact. Although they do not see each other often, they are all kept abreast on the happenings of everyone.

Aunties at work
When I use the term ‘aunties’ it is in no way disrespectful. I respect the aunties I meet at work a lot. Even when they have left, we still keep in touch now and then, and I am still learning from them. They have taught me much and held my hand through the political minefield that is work. They have been effusive with their help and kindness. I am thankful and very fortunate that I have these aunties to take care of me. It makes working less of a chore and their wonderful eclectic stories spices up the tedium. Listening to their stories and experiences – all very unpredictable but very relevant to life – I have garnered much wisdom. However, there is still much to learn. I am but a young and green Padawan.

I can go on and on with the various groups and categories of women that inspired me. The point is, it is these inspiring and capable women (notwithstanding the categories I have placed them in) who have shown me what it is like to be female. They have shown me the pitfalls to avoid, revealed to me the various paths I can take, demonstrated the power we possess (and how to use it), taught me to aim higher, and most of all, shown me how to stand tall and proud as a woman.

Thank you.

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR.