Thoughts on... the future me

Apparently I’ve written a missive to myself on October 18, 2010 to be delivered to me on my birthday this year. This is done through an online portal futureme.org. Go have a look if you are interested to send a letter to yourself in future. I had totally forgotten about it and was not expecting to see the letter appear in my inbox at all. This is what I wrote in full (no editing at all):-

xxx

Dear FutureMe,

Are you married yet? Do you already have kids that you do not want to four years ago? Also, are you living in poverty and is still working and not living out your 'tai-tai' dream life?

If your answer is yes to the questions above, you have failed major. EPIC FAIL! Please do something about it. Maybe get a divorce (if no children) or get a job to get some income. Oh... have you gone FAT?!! NO!!!! I worked hard 4 years ago to get this figure and you have gone FAT?!?!?! Damn it! Get yourself to a gym pronto!

Cheers 

xxx

I believe I wasn’t thinking straight when I typed this out to my future self. Evidently, I do not want kids, I do not want to be poor (who does?), I do not want to work and I most definitely dream of being a ‘tai-tai’ (a rich man’s wife who does nothing all day except to shop, have high tea and attend her many mani/pedi/hair/facial appointments). Yet, it seems that I do not want to be married (divorce??) as well. Why? For fear of losing the ‘figure’ that I have worked hard for?

When I read the letter I laughed. OUT LOUD. For three reasons.

Reason number one

My English is awful. I have no idea what I really meant in my letter. Do I want to be married or not? Do I want kids or not? If I’m married but have no kids I should get divorce? But why? What if I’m living the ‘tai-tai’ life sans kids? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate ‘tai-tai’ dream? My guess was that I was still uneducated and spouting nonsense. Definitely spouting nonsense. Maybe I’m not even sober when I typed it.

Reason number two

My (apparent) vanity. I worked hard for my ‘figure’? What figure? For as long as I lived, up till today, I never had any ‘figure’ to speak of. Oh right. Round/rotund/chubby is a figure. Plus, I don’t like gyms. I discovered that when I stupidly signed up for a one-year gym membership, naively thinking that I’m finally going to get the bod I’ve been dreaming of. Probably the bod that will land me that ‘tai-tai’ dream. I think I visited the gym a grand total of twelve times for the first four months (had to take 1 week off each month because of… period). Then I went MIA (Missing In Action) for the rest. What a waste of my money.

Reason number three

At the childishness of it all. I would have been in my mid-20s when writing it. Young, considering that I’m pushing the edge of the big 3-0 now. It seems that my goals in life when I’m in my mid-20s are fairly shallow and simple. Living the ‘tai-tai’ life? I have no idea when I let that dream slide; probably after I did gender studies in Uni. Immediately destroyed any ‘tai-tai’ notions I had. Who needs a guy to take care and provide for you when you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself? Not that I don’t believe in marriage and family but, after marriage and after kids, you should still assert your independence. You keep your previous identity, in addition to being a wife and probably a mother. You’re still you. That’s why most women work and refuse to stay home to play housewife. I guess it boils down to choice. Some women like to make home their career while others prefer a career outside the home. It’s all your choice and it’s perfectly fine. Personally, I like a balance. I love the idea of working at home (not as a housewife); a professional who does not need to climb any corporate ladders or enter the corporate realm. Still haven’t found that balance though.

There you have it. An unexpected birthday ‘surprise’ for myself. Of course I immediately typed another ‘surprise’ for myself to ruminate upon in future.

Till then, take care. 

Signing off

me.