OOPS!

I apologize. 

I have been away too long. I'm not dead, just busy. 

I know that I can continue posting amidst my busyness, but for one simple wish - I do not want to be distracted. 

I have stopped watching TV. Kept social activities to a minimum. Used less computer at home. Stopped reading novels and books that doesn't help. Stopped baking. 

I have placed my entire focus and directed all my energy towards my studies, mainly towards my research paper. Don't ask me why I am taking it so seriously. Maybe I just want to do really well for it. Or maybe... probably... or really, I just enjoy it. 

Yes, I enjoy torturing myself with having to do tons of reading: journals, articles, books and papers. I enjoy having to research: digging the World Wide Web for information (thank goodness for its existence) and having to search for books in the National Library online catalogue. God knows how much $1.55s I have spent reserving each bloody book that may or may not be relevant to my research. Ah... The joys of researching something you want to research on. 

I enjoy it because it gives me meaning. It makes me feel useful. It makes me feel as if I have something to contribute back to the world of academia (wishful thinking unless my paper is published). I feel more knowledgeable from all the readings I'm doing. I feel more exposed to the world at large. I feel my horizons expanding and my perspective changing. Now I no longer take things I read at face-value. Now I am more critical. I wouldn't say I'm wiser. After all, I am only reading on one of many topics and there is a whole wide ocean of discourses yet untapped. 

I also feel older. Much much older, physically (impossible for me to sacrifice sleep to do my readings) and mentally (slower processor). 

But... it's all for the better. 

Don't worry though: 

"I'LL BE BACK."