Thoughts on… joy

Joy does not come naturally to me.

If you have watched Pixar’s Inside Out, you would know that Joy is this positively radiant bubbly ultra-cheerful fairy-like girl character with a blue pixie cut, voiced by none other than Amy Poehler (love her!).

The Joy in my head is nothing like that. If you have watched Pixar’s Inside Out, you would know that cats are run by cats in their heads and that is why cats are crazy. I think the Joy in my head is a cat. Not some glowing creature but an insane cat. Not that I am insanely happy. Quite the opposite, my Joy-cat only appears randomly, does no work at all and struts around my head like a pompous ass (that is if it is not dozing off in my head).

Therefore, I believe that the dominant emotion in my brain is FEAR (a skinny purple dude voiced by Bill Hader, nothing like the Fear that lives in my head), with SADNESS coming in at a close second.

My first reaction to any event, changes or happenings is fear. Always. Never fails.

I may be certifiably neurotic, but I’m no hypochondriac so I haven’t gone to get myself diagnosed (because money).

After fear comes sadness. I am a total pessimist and positively negative. There is no helping me honestly.

I live in a world where the sun doesn’t shine but gurgles. Where it is royal purple and shoots death rays all day long.

I live in a world where every single cloud is a mass of choking black radioactive smoke designed to smother. Silver linings do not exist.

I live in a world where it rain for days and just drowns you in eternal sadness.

I live in a world where the nights are longer than the days, but it really makes no difference with a royal purple sun.

I live in a world where the word “hope” is non-existent but “fear” is everywhere.

I live in a world where everyone that I walk past is a definite threat to my existence.

No. Not really.

I can be quite depressed sometimes, and sometimes, just sometimes, my world is black and grey and very deep shades of purple.

Maybe I need a “I will die for Riley!” guy to spruce up my world (if you have watched Pixar’s Inside Out you will get the reference).

And that damn Joy-cat needs to go as well.