Thoughts on... growing old

When I was pursuing my diploma, I had a lecturer who constantly says that life comes one full circle (as in the ending will be like the beginning). She explained that when young (as in when one is at the baby stage); we were helpless and needed taking care of. We while the time away doing nothing. Then we grow older, gotten stronger and became more independent. As life moves along, we continue ageing. If life is smooth and fate is kind, we hit the age (maybe between 65 to 80 years) where we will be too frail to move properly. We remain seated on the bed most of the time, whiling the time away doing nothing. We grow less independent and more reliant on others to feed us, bathe us, and bring us around. In a way, we revert back to what we were before, similar to a helpless baby. We become less active and our brains deteriorate, both not by choice. I listened to my lecturer, agreed with her wisdom, and then tuck it away in my brain.

Then recently, this little piece of wisdom resurfaced, when someone told me about her work on nursing homes. It made me realize the weight and truth of that wisdom. And I learnt that growing old is not an easy process, as natural and inevitable as it may be. In fact, if at all possible, I don’t want to grow old at all. Or even if I do grow old (which I will, duh), I do not want to live longer than I have to.

Reasons are simple. I don’t want to reach a stage:-

·         where my body will be in a constant state of decline and I lose my mobility

·         where I will eventually lose my brain activity and general consciousness

·         where my  health will be a hotbed of diseases and illness and I or my family will be saddled with expensive medical bills

·         where my appetite for food is lost because my senses don’t work any more

·         where I give up my freedom and right to make choices due to the degeneration of the mind and the body

I guess that first and the last reason scare me the most. It is very important to me that I am able to make my own choices in my lifetime and to maintain my mobility. I do not want others to have a say on my life without my letting them. If I really do grow old and suffer the above with death not anywhere near, I do hope I lose my consciousness completely so I will not know what is going on.

Of course, in this day and age of unbelievable advancement in science, medicine and technology, not everyone subscribes to the age-old ‘old people’ syndrome. The elderly does not have to be old and feeble. The new breed of elderly remains healthy and active after retirement. They keep their physical and mental health intact. They join marathons, sign up for line dancing, and continue learning. Through these activities, they meet new people, thereby keeping their social life alive. It is as if they are reliving their youth, when they are free from responsibilities and have endless time for exploration. It is possible to have all that when you are old. On the flip side, there are some that are not so fortunate. They encounter illnesses that may render them fragile and helpless. They may need to lose a limb or two. They may be bedridden forever. Grim is the reality of being ill when old. But you will survive and get through the pain if you have constant support and encouragement from loved ones. Their presence around you is enough to make you feel that much happier.

Now, imagine that you are old and riddled with illness. Your family has decided to place you in a nursing home. It may be a voluntary decision or a family decision. At first, visits are frequent, and then it trickles down to few and far in between. Soon, there will be no more. You are forgotten. Abandoned. Neglected. They continue to pay the bills the nursing home sends them. It has become a mechanical response, no thinking required. You wake up every day to a face that doesn't belong to family, relatives or even a friend. You get washed down by a stranger’s hands, all the way down to your privates. At first you hit their hands away, feeling indignant. At first you wrangle for your independence. You fight tooth and nail for your freedom. You are ill, yes, but not obtuse. But eventually, your strength and your will wanes. Ultimately you give up. That will be the saddest day. That is the day you give up on life. That is the day that whatever is left of you: your soul, your mind, your consciousness, you, retreats into a tiny corner of yourself. You are helpless. You watch the days pass on your bed. Soon you register nothing and you remember nothing. Life becomes a meaningless blur. You managed to survive only with the aid of the nursing home nurses. Overworked and underpaid, the foreign nurses will not be able to communicate with you and vice-versa. It is nobody’s fault. This is just how it is. You are just a shell, living a mute and static existence.

You might as well be dead.

But don’t take my word for it. This is how I imagined it to be. You do your own imagining, picturing and characterization. Put some empathy into it. Pour yourself into it. When you grow old, it can only go two ways.

Keep yourself healthy and active now.

Keep yourself in a positive frame of mind.

Live a balanced life. Equal parts work, equal parts play.

Don’t overindulge but don’t restrict simple pleasures.

Keep life simple, keep it in balance and surround yourself with loved ones.

Live well my friends.