Thoughts on… introversion
Currently there has been a spotlight shining on
introversion and by extension, famous introverted people. Countless ‘listicles’,
articles, open letters and infographics have been circulating online regarding
introversion, the power of introverts, celebrities who are introverts, world
leaders who are introverts and many such things.
I would credit this sudden interest to Susan Cain,
who published Quiet: The Power of
Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking in 2012, a book that brought
introversion into the spotlight. Ever since that book came out, everyone jumped
on the bandwagon that is introversion.
I have gladly jumped onto that bandwagon as
well. I was finally glad that someone has spoken up for introverts and made it
clear what introversion really is. I learnt a lot about myself and my
introverted nature. It really isn’t just about being quiet and reserved and
anti-social. It is way more complex. On
the flipside, I have also been learning a lot about extroversion too, and the
differences between the two, and that an ambivert is someone in between.
Introverts have been around for a really long
time. Yes, although we relish being in the background most of the time and almost
always goes unnoticed, it is high time somebody talked about the issues
surrounding the quiet ones.
Firstly, and most importantly, the notion that
being quiet is a social or personality disorder or that all introverts are shy
is dispelled. Fuck those who think that quiet/shy people are weird and are
potential serial killers (that escalated). At the same time, the popular view
that being loud and outspoken is a valuable trait needed to succeed in life is
dismissed. Do not get misled by bravado and loudness. It may be as empty as the
vessel that produces it.
I have always been a reserved person and
generally unwilling to speak in large groups – quiet – because I do not like
everyone’s attention on me. It may be my personality that forces me to settle
into the role of the ‘listener’, but I really do enjoy hearing what others have
to say (except when I know it is bullshit). I generally have no opinions to
share, unless it is something that I feel strongly about. I do not feel the
need to be heard constantly. However, at times I do keenly feel the expectation
from others to talk and contribute to the conversation. That makes me extremely
comfortable.
If I had my way, I am at peace not speaking to
everyone in a party or group outing. Again, I do not think there is a need to
make friends with everyone. Yup, I know I sound like a prick, but so be it. I
am not using introversion to justify some of my quirks and anti-social habits,
but I do know that I am an amicable person. I do not piss people off or say
mean things to them or ignore them (not purposely anyway). I am generally polite
and will respond in kind if you do talk to me and get to know me. If I am quiet and not making conversation it
is because I am paying attention.
However, I do recognize that this has moulded
me into a lazy conversationalist, if there ever was such an affliction.
Sometimes I remain quiet simply out of laziness.
With all the articles about introversion going
around (I hoped you would have read some), you would know that introverts do
not function well when there are too much going on in his/her environment. I
like parties and concerts as much as the next person, I really do enjoy them,
but I have to do it my way, which is apparently not a way that most people
would understand (or accept). My solution is to keep quiet and just soak it all
in.
When my group of close friends first got to
know me, I believed my quietness unnerved them. It does not help that I have
RBF (resting bitch face) syndrome (something my family has confirmed). My
friends will ask me if I am OK or if I am unhappy with something. Eventually,
they know that this is how I am and how my face is and they let me be. I am
thankful I have such understanding friends who refused to be driven away despite
my cold unfriendly exterior.
Although I am glad that the mystery of
introversion has lifted, I do feel that the sudden influx of all things
introversion-related is getting a little wearisome. It is too much and too
swift. It seems to be turning into a fad. That scares me, because (1)
introversion is not something that comes and goes, it is inherent in many
people, and (2) most importantly, I am afraid that introverts will be
stereotyped.
Introversion is not a fad. It is a personality,
a trait, which many people have. However, do not pigeonhole introverts because
we are not all the same. Just like extroverts vary and are individually
different, so are introverts.
At the same time though, I do not deny that the
information flooding social media and various websites have been useful in
enlightening me. I am starting to be comfortable in my own skin. There is still
some way to go before total self-acceptance, before I am completely content
with myself, but it is a start.
For more information:
Susan Cain’s TED Talk
8 Quality Traits All Introverts
Have, Even if They Don’t Know It (an example of a stereotypical title/article)
10 Reasons Why Introverts are
Incredibly Attractive People (another stereotypical article – not everyone will agree)
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